I can't breathe out the right side of my face
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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