I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
