what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
