Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
