I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
