i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize