Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
