I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
