i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
