Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
