I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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