Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
