I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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