That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
