Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
There are leaves in my underwear?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
