Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
