My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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