Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
