I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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