I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
