Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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