the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
