so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
