I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i came on her dog
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize