He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Randomize
