you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
