just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
