he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
