dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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