My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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