I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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