White coat. Heels.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
