we're blogging at a bar
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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