i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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