Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize