i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
