Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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