Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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