Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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