No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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