So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
