Do you still have your period?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
