I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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