how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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