Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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