ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
