if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
