i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize