I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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