dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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