She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
