So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
