I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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