I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
