We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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