I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
