I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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