The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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