My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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