Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
