My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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