we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize