Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
