i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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