Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
