I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
