dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
