sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
