I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
