I hate all girls vehemently.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Less talking, more tequila
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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