I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
