a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
