Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
