Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
