I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
