The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
