i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
