pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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