I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
