you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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