I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His nipple licking is glorious
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