I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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