I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
