I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
