Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
