I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
