we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
