Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
