I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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