I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
