I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
