No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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