Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
