i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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