So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
