Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
