This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
