Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
