textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
