dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
