My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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