This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize