proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I could make wine with my vomit
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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