Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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